Thank you to those of you who are still "here" and haven't abandoned my blog/me! Last month my virtual privacy was compromised. This space has been my diary, and I didn't even share it with my closest friends. It wasn't so much the fact that this one person found out I was trying to lose weight; anyone could guess that by looking at my round face!! It was the fact that he read all my most private thoughts about overeating, food addiction, body image, relationship issues, depression, self-esteem, etc., etc., etc. I am an extremely private person, and that is especially true where my darkest emotions and demons are concerned! Of course, I reacted by deleting everything, which I kind of regret now. I had a lot of text out here - a lot of life and energy!
I miss the blog. I was doing really well when I wrote out here every day, and when I stopped doing that, I used it as an excuse to just "fall off the wagon" and into my old ways. It's been bad. I really need to get myself straightened out and back on track.
I'm going to make a commitment to start again now. I'll begin to keep regular blog entries and get back on my plan. If I "fall off the wagon" again, I am going to do my best to get back on as soon as possible. I've fallen off before and spent years planning to start my diet again "tomorrow," so all things considered, one month may be some kind of an improvement. Still, it's not good enough for me. I am tired of this. I am so sick of going in circles.
Tomorrow morning I will weigh myself. I'm back into my size 16's again, so I have a feeling that it won't be fun to acknowledge reality.
Through this experience, I've learned that no matter who reads this, judges me, doesn't understand, etc., it'll never be more important than being honest about who I am and working to grow and live my best possible life. That's what this blog is helping me to do, and I'm not going to delete it again!!