Monday, June 14, 2010

Feelin' Fat

A doctor once looked from my weight chart to my belly and said, "Amelia, it's time to turn this ship around." He was referring, of course, to the obscene amount of weight I had gained that year. "It's not just that you're overweight," he explained shortly afterwards. "It's the yo-yo, the back and forth." He pointed at my chart and showed me how my weight had been fluctuating by 10-20 pounds every few months.

He explained what it takes for a body to pack on and then remove that amount of weight.

"Do you have any idea how hard this is on your body? Can you imagine what you're doing to yourself?" I stared at the chart and smiled meekly.

"uhh.. yeah." I had nothing else to say! All I knew was that I felt fat, out of control, and hopeless. My clothes didn't fit anymore. I was too ashamed to meet people I hadn't seen in a long time. Men no longer met my gaze with flirtatious sparkles in their eyes. Once, a little girl pointed at me and yelled, "fat lady!"

I didn't like myself. I knew it was my fault, and I didn't know how to change it. It was impacting every second of my life, and I felt powerless to do anything about it.

When I heard my doctor's words,"time to turn this ship around," something finally clicked. I lost 40 pounds over the next 6 months or so, and I kept it off for a long time.

I was thinking today that I'm back at that point again. My ship just traveled back in the same direction and got off course in a major way. I'm fat again, and it's time once more to use every ounce of will in my being to turn it around and pick up momentum in the opposite direction. Why is it so difficult? Getting started seems to be the hardest part for me. I keep wanting to procrastinate. It's so easy to put this off.

Well, I'm not doing that anymore. It has to start now.


  1. Hi Amelia. WOW--I never considered how hard it must be on one's body to keep losing and regaining weight. Thanks for that. Now, I have another reason to not regain the same ten pounds I've been losing and regaining these past couple months. Thanks for that.

    And I'm glad you're back. Really.

  2. Thank you, Alexia! I hadn't thought about it either until that office visit. He went into some detail about blood vessels and waste and actually told me that it would be better for me to just stay at my current weight, even if it was high, rather than bouncing up and down constantly.

    I'm glad to be back too. I am not sure about posting every single day like I was before. I'm still trying to figure that out and get into a new rhythm.. But I'm definitely back. Also, I was happy to rediscover your blog this week. I always appreciate your thoughts/experiences.